Late Bloomers.

Be not afraid of growing slowly, Be afraid of only standing still. - Chinese Proverb

Nearing 54, I am almost always the oldest woman in the room on middle school parents’ night, am decades older than my colleagues at the hip, on-the-rise editorial website for whom I write and often a generation above those on conference calls with new social media contacts. I don’t begrudge any of this, but when it occurs so often it makes me wonder — Am I a late bloomer?

Great Expectations

A late bloomer, by definition, is a person who fulfills their potential later than expected. Expected. Growing up, it oft feels like a chronological timeline is cemented in place for our education, dating and even beauty — braces, pimples and periods arrive virtually right on cue. But post-college if you opt for the road less traveled, you risk veering off course altogether.  Late to the wedding. Motherhood. New experiences. 

But that is where we have it all wrong. We are still on course.  

I was prone to say that while my college friends were getting married at age 24, I was busy as well.  Learning to rollerblade, I would joke.  In all honesty, I was building an advertising career, experiencing life in a new city, figuring out who the hell I was.  I was not better, just different.

Today, I hear women of all ages talk about feeling behind, wishing they had accomplished more — and sooner.  In most cases, this is not about comparison — we all recognize that it’s “the thief of joy” — but rather having the highest of expectations for ourselves.  Perfectionism at its finest.  In a culture where youth is revered, 30 under 30 lists heralded and mid-life has only just begun to rally a battle cry, how can we give ourselves a chance to learn to live at our own pace?

Work (in progress)

The most repeated statistic is that Americans have seven careers in a lifetime. While researchers call this "a considerable overestimate," we — particularly women who ebb in and out of the workforce — all experience significant professional shifts.  Given my own trajectory I would say I am in my third iteration; prior to taking the leap into writing after delivering twins, I worked in a fashion house and for more than decade earlier in advertising agencies. What I learned from each venture gave me courage — and the expanded skill set — for the next place on my journey.  When you look at your own path, you will likely find you could not have arrived without the lag time. The detours. And in the case of pausing for motherhood, without the greater inner strength and newfound creativity that seems to be born along with your offspring (and an uncanny ability to operate on less sleep). There is no better feeling than having a family that cannot wait to watch you soar when you get going again; when you find a passion that consumes you enough to want to leave the nest.

As I am pitching a fashion essay collection and striving to make “author” the next career move, who’s to say that I am too late? When I fret about agent rejections, I glance at the below — and remind myself time is arbitrary.  There are a multitude of lists with breakthrough leaders, designers and tastemakers who all found their calling later in life: Julia Child, Nelson Mandela, Charles Darwin, Ray Croc, Toni Morrison and Vera Wang to name a few.

In researching his book Late Bloomer: The Hidden Strengths of Learning and Succeeding at Your Own Pace, author Rich Karlgaard found that in addition to being undervalued, “…parents, schools, employers, the media, and consumers of media are now crazily over-celebrating early achievement as the best kind of achievement or even the only kind. We do so at the cost of shaming the late bloomer and thus shortchanging people and society.”

As I am learning to reframe my own timelines, I find great comfort in — and motivation from — interviewing incredible (beauty/fashion/wellness) founders for The Quality Edit and tuning in to Hillary Kerr’s Second Life podcast.  Listening to women share their winding roads, paved with as many pivots as missteps, is a gratifying way to stay the course in our own journey.

Forever Young Beautiful

Regardless of who we are, or the sprint toward achievements, our beauty is on relatively the same schedule from the start.  Skin starts to age around twenty years old.  But it’s what we do from there — smoking, sunscreen, sleepless nights drinking — that alter our course.  I hear so much coulda, shoulda, woulda about preventative skincare, injections and treatments; but earlier intervention does not connote ageless beauty indefinitely.

Instead of fighting the journey — or your own inevitable aging timeline — remember, as Paulina Porizkova reminds us in her stunning book, No Filter: The Good, The Bad and The Beautiful: being pretty is fleeting, but beauty is forever.  However long it takes, time is what we all need to blossom into our true, authentic selves.  Which is when we are at our most beautiful.

But unlike beauty, if you are late to the well-being bandwagon, it’s time to jump on.  A consistent skincare routine, quality sleep, blood sugar balanced nutrition and physical activity are the pillars of health.

Self(less)

We have all heard “Life’s not a dress rehearsal” but it’s also not a sample sale — there is no deadline or supply shortage of attainable goals. Contrary to my once favorite sale (Barneys warehouse RIP), I am not reaching for the exact same items hoping to get there first.  The former “battle of the babes” competitions have waned; the only person I am competing against is myself yet I have never felt more emboldened. If you are feeling the uprising of female support, you are not alone.  Popsugar’s “So Long Mean Girls, 2023 Is the Year of the Hype Woman” is not just an anthem, but a true movement.  Just ask Jamie Lee Curtis.

So, no rush.  We will all get there.

As novelist George Eliot said, “It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”

Recommended Reads:

Thanks for Waiting: The Joy (& Weirdness) of Being a Late Bloomer  by Doree Shafrir is a funny, insightful memoir about what happens when coming-of-age comes later than expected.

Late Bloomers: The Hidden Strengths of Learning and Succeeding at Your Own Pace by Richard Karlgaard captures the advantages (from long-term achievement to happiness) of finding your way later in life.