The Horror of Aging.

“It's not how old you are, it's how you are old.” — Jules Renard

I finally watched Demi Moore’s film Substance, a tour de force about how aging impacts women.  While I am not usually one for the horror genre, the film so phenomenally depicts (albeit to extremes) the anxiety of growing older — and the pressures put on all women, not just celebs — that it should be mandatory viewing.  If for no other reason than to explore your own stance and gain new perspective on how you wish to approach the coming decades.

MOORE ACCEPTANCE, LESS ANGST

In listening to Demi Moore speak specifics in The New York Times’  “The Interview”, (paywall gifted here), she addresses that while the male gaze is a component in her character’s angst “it’s not about what’s being done to us — it’s what we do to ourselves. It’s the violence we have against ourselves. The lack of love and self-acceptance.”  Mic drop. 

Aging (like menopause) is inevitable, but how we approach it — or succumb to it — is within our control.

I venture to say it takes more than the wisdom of aging to overcome the horrors we attach to growing old(er).  The beauty industry, as Jessica DeFino beautifully articulates, is a culprit in our downfall.  It’s harder to shake off our youth obsessed conditioning while the $74 billion anti-aging market predicates on fear and a gnawing inferiority complex.  The greater our insecurity, the bigger brands’ payout. 

Aligning our values to our spending is the best way to break the cycle.  As Eleanor Roosevelt famously said, "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent".  When I walked away from helming beauty editorial, I found myself less flaw focused.  My skin (and other parts) were not something to solve; there is so much more creativity and joy in life when we are curious rather than self-critical.

In keeping with today’s “World Kindness Day” — which encourages people to move away from self-centeredness and focus on collective well-being (something we need now more than ever) — I would add that we can’t forget to prioritize our own self-compassion. 

SUPER MODELS

Need inspiration?  Thankfully there is no shortage today of women taking growing older by the horns, discussing aging not with adjectives — gracefully, with power, or any other unnecessary caveat — but as Diane Von Furstenberg says “by how much you have lived.” Given my mission to change the narrative, I am always eager to hear about women whom you find influential in revolutionizing the indoctrination of aging. Some of my recent favorites include:

---

·      Enjoy Marishka Hargitay, 60, callout her “badass era”

·      Revel in Helen Mirren, 79, reframe the notion of “youthful spirit.”

·      Celebrate the brilliance of entrepreneur (and WE ARE THE BOARD founder) April Uchitel’s discussing how community is the future for our fulfillment and success.

·      Soak up activist Ashton Applewhite’s fantastic TED talk “Let’s End Ageism”, a 2017 piece that grows in meaning and influence (and views, nearly 2MM to date).

---