The In-Between.

“At the heart of the in-between, exists a timeless and infinite potential. From this place, all of who we are is created.” — Pete Beebe, Dream Fisher: A Metaphysical Work of Contemporary Fiction

It’s been said that When Harry Met Sally—which has rightfully seen an uptick in viewing since Reiner’s passing—is a film that lives in the in-between: the quiet moments when the noise fades and you start taking inventory. The adored characters discover themselves not through grand gestures (minus the loud deli scene), but in the moments around them—the long conversations, the shared silences, the unhurried passing of time. Just like the days between Christmas and New Year’s. The holiday is over, the year is winding down, yet for this brief stretch, there are so few expectations. The decorations remain, but our obligations disappear. No one knows what day it is.

The in-between creates a rare condition: space to listen. Our quiet stirrings, usually drowned out by hustle, finally become audible. We notice what we’ve abandoned, postponed, or once promised ourselves. Not goals, but dreams.

We, as women, are very good at waiting—for the right moment, the right timing, the right permission. Sometimes that’s necessary; breakthroughs take time. I know this intimately having become a debut author at age fifty-six. Nothing about publishing my fashion essay collection was immediate. It was the result of patience, doubt, revision, resilience. Years of striving before arriving.

But the in-between isn’t about patiently awaiting long-term goals. It’s about the absence of them. This absence can be powerful. It reveals what we truly want. We notice what brings comfort, beauty or even creative fulfillment. The world can wait for our ambitions. Besides, #girlbosses are so over. In this in-between, we can take stock and let joy —and dreams— arrive without apology. Or a ridiculous resolution list.

Soon enough, the ball will drop, urgency will return, and the calendar will constrict days as Zoom meetings stack. The future will start asking for answers. But for now, there’s a pause. A small, generous pocket of time that asks nothing but that we be present, and take notice.

There’s another in-between that rarely gets this kind of grace: midlife. A stretch described as after or before—after youth, before whatever comes next. The irony is that we’re often left hanging, considered too old to be emerging, too young to be done. Society tells us to treat it like a problem to solve: reverse the signs, reinvent and pivot, stay relevant, stay desirable, stay busy. As if stillness (and aging in general) were failure.

But midlife is an in-between of presence. And I refuse to let it mean fading or becoming invisible, despite the world overlooking this stage of life. How we show up matters. Style and beauty shift from performance to intention—editing for what feels right, what sustains us, what allows us to exist fully in the present. Like the days between Christmas and New Year’s, rules (and our lips) loosen. In fashion, I’d argue there are no rules at all. Comfort, pleasure and clarity become our touchstones. As I say in the final chapter of Clothes Minded: Fashionable Essays About Finding Yourself

I no longer need to seek attention; I am visible to those who matter. I don’t demand perfection. I celebrate presence. I don’t believe in “the one that got away”—not a boyfriend, a job, or a blazer. I am exactly where I am meant to be, wearing what belongs on me. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Happiness is not a goal; it’s a by-product of a life well lived.” The same goes for our style—it naturally emerges when we’re honest about who we are and the life we want to lead.

It’s in the in-between that we finally stop asking permission to arrive as we are—and where we can decide, quietly and unapologetically, what comes next. And where are we headed? Well, the sky is still the limit. And if you’re uncertain? That’s the beauty of community.¹

In this quiet pause, you might remember what Harry Burns said: “When you realize you want [fill in the blank with your dreams], you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

Happy New Year. xx

A note to readers: Your subscriptions are incredibly appreciated, as are likes/shares/comments. Thank you for continuing to read + support my work. I am honored by the outpouring for Clothes Minded! So much more to come in 2026…

1. Start with reading Midlife Private Parts, and following its editors and contributors here on Substack: Patina with Dina Aronson, Dina Alvarez, Zibby Owens, @heymrssolomon, Dr. Mary Claire Haver, MD, Laura Friedman Williams, Sari Botton and Maryjane Fahey. Each has a fantastic perspective about aging, whether you’re 35 or 85.