Weighty Issues.

While the world feels heavy at present, this newsletter is more self-reflective than an exploratory of the political and religious intolerance landscape we’re navigating.

If you are a woman, you have worried about weight at some point in your life.  Whether it’s a medical concern (More than 1 in 4 women are overweight, and severe obesity is on the rise) or not (girls as young as 7 feel they are held to different beauty standards as boys), it has weighed on you — literally.  Keeping you from social events.  From peaceful sleep.  From revealing, rather than disguising, yourself with what you wear.  From being you.

Sadly, this does not always improve with age.

Despite gaining wisdom along with weight.

While we have more healthy and resourceful ways to address what my grandmother used to call “middle aged spread” — the number of certified nutritionists in this country equate to nearly 7% of the population of Manhattan for perspective — we continue to fight our bodies rather than lean into the shape shift that is inevitable; Ozempic for all its merits to those that require the drug, is not helping.

Not surprisingly, Vogue recently noted that the Menopause makeover has surpassed the once lauded Mommy makeover, as so many of us struggle with the new physique that accompanies this tumultuous midlife pivot.

While I want to be seen (which I have written about previously) — as we all do — this is very different than being on display.  I am a writer.  I am grateful to stay on paper rather than in front of the camera.  You can get to know me well, through vulnerable writing, and yet I never feel overly exposed.  Whereas in front of the lens, I feel naked.  Especially now.  Encumbered by the #menopausefifteen, I am carrying every ounce affiliated with this hormonal stage of life.  Like age itself, it’s not about the number, it’s a feeling; a physique that brims over buttons, spilling out of fashion I once adored. I wanted to hide until I felt like myself again.  That is until invites to events for brilliant founders began appearing. I could not stay shuttered.

“We often block our own blessings because we don’t feel inherently good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or worthy enough,” Oprah has said. “You’re worthy because you are born and because you are here…you alone are enough.” As often as I have written about this (here and here), it took loyal friends with incredible empathy — and even more persistence — to remind me that these events channel who we are and what we say, not what we look like.

Fashion is a phenomenal tool to find our way through these watershed moments, when our confidence hits the skids. Monochromatic looks and playful pieces helped me through despondency.  By the power vested in Tibi’s Amy Smilovic, I wore garments that made me feel phenomenal, confident to stand tall(er) and speak with authority to women I have long admired.  #menopausefifteen be damned, I got dressed thinking often of author Daniell Koepke’s words, “You’re allowed to assert your needs and take up space.  You’re allowed to hold onto the truth that who you are is exactly enough.”  Even when you weigh in at more than you wish.

Tally Health, a biotech company co-founded by a longevity expert and Harvard genetics professor to improve healthspan and increase longevity, notes that chasing happiness (and dare I say perfection) can lead to dissatisfaction. Whereas “engaging in fulfilling activities that bring joy is a more effective way to cultivate happiness.”

I attended the events.  To say I had memorable times with women who are trailblazers is an understatement — Please explore  I’m Not Dead and YSEBeauty; these brands are built with the ethos of empowering women.  I never scrutinized what I looked like as I met these founders, as well as friends old and new.  Captivating conversation leaves little room for being self-conscious.  I was accompanied by my forever cheerleader; everyone deserves a friend who parallels the perfect pair of boyfriend jeans that get better with each passing decade.

Wherever you are on the peri/menopause journey, there’s ample opportunity to take stock in the recent optimistic learnings from Dr. Lisa Mosconi, Neuroscientist & Women’s Brain Health Specialist and esteemed author.  Her most recent book, The Menopause Brain: New Science Empowers Women to Navigate the Pivotal Transition with Knowledge and Confidence is incredibly eye-opening about the hard times and that what weighs us down now is not indefinite: “Many lines of evidence indicate that women’s brains have the remarkable, much underestimated, yet-to-be-celebrated ability to adapt to menopause. This information is just the beginning of unlocking menopause’s secrets and upgrading our experience of this important milestone in every woman’s life…And after menopause, our brains become better interconnected…women develop greater empathy…life contentment appears to increase and remain fairly high in the years following to the point that some women report actually feeling happier than they themselves were before menopause.”

The Australian Women’s Healthy Ageing Project concurs that postmenopausal women reported improved mood, more patience, less tension, and feeling less withdrawn as they entered their 60s and 70s. “Similar results hail from Denmark, where postmenopausal women reported a stronger sense of well-being after menopause, with 62% stating they felt, indeed, happy and satisfied. About half of these women also stated that they were as happy as they’d ever been, even at a younger age.”

With unprecedented happiness and peace of mind ahead, this stage of life — and the weighty issues that accompany it — feel like wieldy obstacles.  We can handle it. As Joshua J. Marine said, “Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.”